I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
