i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
