I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
