Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
