I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
