does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
