You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
