I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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