Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
These tits shall not be calmed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude. I can hear the air.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
