I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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