atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
