Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
