Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
