apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
