ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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