All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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