The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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