my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
