Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
