your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
