just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
