How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
