How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
