margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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