The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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