oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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