You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
