There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
