Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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