I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
