Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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