I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
