I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
