R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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