The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
