Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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