Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
