thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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