i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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