Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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