Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
