ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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