I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I deserve this hangover.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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