So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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