I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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