i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
