non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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