Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
