my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
