this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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