Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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