Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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